5 MONTHS HAVE PASSED

Five months ago today started out as any other summer day.  I was joining my friends for a Century Ride (100 miles).  I was really looking forward to this ride as my previous longest ride had been around 77 miles and it would be a good introduction into how I would be training for the 112 mile Ironman ride.  We were off at 8am.  I remember taking a wrong turn around mile 6 but we quickly realized it and got back on track.  That was the last thing I remember.  Two hours later around Mile 42 I crashed.  I have no idea why and no one else really does either.  There was speculation that a car swerved in my lane and I may have locked up my brakes trying to avoid it but regardless I apparently went sailing over my handlebars and crashed head first onto the pavement.  They say I was unconscious for 4 mins and I can only imagine how traumatized my friends were as they came up upon the scene and realized it was me on the ground.  After an ambulance ride to one hospital I got another ride in an ambulance when they discovered my brain was bleeding and I needed to be transferred to a Boston hospital. Intraventricular bleed and subarachnoid hemorrage are two terms I never want mentioned in conjunction with my name EVER AGAIN.

I have no memory whatsoever of being here

I have had to ask everyone around me the details of that day. I was shocked to hear from Quinn that I said the same four things over and over again for hours.  I am sure she will never forget the following  lines.."How was that phone call?  Thank God for my Road ID.  How's my bike?  Did you call Tracie?"  It is more than a little disturbing that I have no memory of that at all.  My first vague memory was around 8pm that night after I had been admitted to the hospital.  I completely lost 10 hrs of my life.  I also have very little to no memory of the two weeks following that day either.  My mom was scheduled to come for a 2 week visit a few days after my crash and I don't remember much at all about that time.  She stayed at my house and took care of me and I got nothing...can't remember. Can you imagine how terrified she was when we went to the airport to pick her up and I looked like this?

The next three months were filled with daily headaches and unrelenting dizziness.  The first week after the accident I was surviving in 4 hr increments until I could take more pain medication for my head.  Of course we had to keep a piece of paper on the table to record what time I took the last dose since I couldn't remember and would have overdosed!!!  I also developed vertigo courtesy of dislodging crystals in my inner ear from the blow to the head.  This prevented me from attempting to get back to swimming and made driving, laying down or turning my head difficult as all of these movements sent my world spinning.  Once I figured out what the problem was a trip to the ENT doc and a quick procedure in the office cured me.  Unfortunately this was after a month and a half of dealing with it.  Going back to work after two weeks was humbling.  I was cognitively impaired without a doubt.  What came to me easily before was a struggle and the memory problems didn't help.  I called the Help Desk at work at least every other day that first week because I kept forgetting my password.    I think this was the scariest, most frustrating part of this injury.  I can deal with the pain and I knew it would eventually go away.  What I didn't know was how long it would be to get back to being me.  While some of you may disagree I consider myself to be an intelligent person and that was taken away from me for a while.  That is the part of the injury that brought me to tears on several occasions.  As bad as the whole experience was it taught me a few lessons that will stay with me forever.  First, you really never know what can happen so don't take anything for granted or keep putting off something you want to do.  Simply put..there may be NO tomorrow!!!  Second, when you are frustrated about what you can't do or can't have, take a step back and be thankful for what you can do and do have.  Finally, nothing else matter but family and friends.  Every single one of my friends came to the house to see me after the accident and brought cards, meals and food.  Many family members called to check up on me during my healing process (I honestly don't remember any of them but weeks later I saw your numbers on my phone!!!).  Mom, Tracie, Quinn and Ariel all babysat me at various times when I couldn't be left alone and made sure I had what I needed.  You are all truly awesome.  I am all better now and as normal as I have ever been.  This experience will never leave me however and that isn't a bad thing.  My biggest shout-out of all needs to go to my Mom.  Not having nor EVER wanting kids I can't imagine what it is like to see them hurt.  But I do know that you were supportive of me when I climbed back on the bike or went for a run just 12 days after this accident.  I also know all you really wanted to do was wrap me in bubble wrap and tell me to sit down on the damn couch.  You knew how important it was for me to get back out there and you supported me 100% and for that I thank you and love you.

It is only by this helmet and the grace of God that I am here and able to write this blog today.  Stay safe out there peeps.